I have sat down a few times to jot words but got interrupted by the kids who needed something which ended up being multiple things which turned into hours until I eventually crashed in bed at night too incoherent to form speech. I must admit I was irritated, annoyed, frustrated (add other adjectives) because this was MY time and as mothers we get so few minutes to ourselves that these moments become choice golden nuggets of opportunity. Well, actually it wasn’t MY time because MY time has evolved into late nights. The late night hours have become my prime ME opportunity. The house is quiet. Simply BEAutiFUL. However, the mornings are ugly. I am ugly. An ugly groan-yawning grizzly bear. I realized how effected I am by these late nights recently when a guy came knocking on my door for a sofa (wrong house!) and apologized for waking me up even though I had been awake for a couple of hours. Sweet. I realized at that wrong house-door knocking moment that change was in order.
The Plan: I have decided to make some changes. Painful for me but necessary. I am going to yank myself from the comfy warmth of my bliss (bed) and arise earlier than I currently do. Yes, yes, I have said this before… just ask Donnie. I have plotted and I have pledged to wake earlier and have some tea sippin’ devotional time with the Lord and crank out household productivity that would make an assembly line belt jealous.
Alas, the alarm would obnoxiously ring-a-ding-ding an hour or so earlier than usual and I would whack the snooze button to a pulp. Bleary eyed, I would finally drag my pathetic morning hating self out of bed [gone was the early awakening] and stumble involuntarily into the kid’s rooms to shake and stir them from their slumber before staggering down the hall with groans and yawns escaping as I proceeded into the kitchen to throw something together for breakfast.
Part of the problem, other than abhorring mornings, is that I go to bed tooooo late. Unnaturally late. Obscenely late. Just Late. Common sense will tell you that you can’t go to bed late and hope to get up early. I’d beat myself up with each early AM failure especially when I’d hear some chirpy soul drone on about how early they get up each AM and how much they are able to accomplish including a 5 mile run around the block! BUT I am more productive at night [I believe]! I function best at night [I’d tell others]. I’m just not made for mornings [I continue to tell myself].
Although I do seem to come alive at night thanks to genetic programming, I realized after looking over my late night-time that I could really accomplish much of the tasks during the day as well – minus computer and some TV time. I realized that by staying up late I was actually just borrowing quality time from the next day. I want to give my kids the best of me. Not some grizzly bear appearing, grumpy, groan-yawning creature.
So, here’s the deal: rather than set the clock to blast myself into cardiac arrest an hour or so earlier than usual, I am going to start with 15-20 minutes earlier. AND I am going to go to bed 15-20 min earlier the night before. I can gradually increase the time. Baby steps. I need baby steps. I’ve tried to do too much, too fast, too drastic before. No wonder why I’d fizzle out! As mentioned in my previous post I’m making some changes and easin’ on down the road. I just may be onto something successful. However, I still despise my alarm clock and I doubt that I will ever welcome it into my world of habit-forming retraining. I will most likely hit snooze more than the snooze was designed to be hit. I will most likely stumble, grunt, yawn and groan in the mornings. I will no doubt continue to hate on the process of waking up but I am waking up! True it’s only a mere 15 min earlier but it is a start at reform. Can you reform a night owl? Only time will tell.