Monthly Archives: August 2010

It happens in a blink

Have you ever noticed that you can look at something over and over and over and over again in your home for YEARS with total peace until suddenly, one day, for no reason, out of the crystal blue sky something snaps in your head that screams “Yuck, that is ugly…what were you thinking or drinking when you did that” or “what an eye ripping out of the socket mess!” And usually once this mental pathway is triggered everything in your home becomes subject in a blink. 

Yes?  Well I had that very epiphany this week which lead to the tearing apart and remodeling and painting of BOTH bathrooms simultaneously, the garage (a.k.a. one of hubby’s many man rat piles) and our bedroom.  Oh, and did I mention that this was the week that school began?  Or that hubs and his friend have taken on a brick retaining wall building project that has overtaken our driveway and morphed it into a dangerous rock climbing expedition.  It also seems as if winter may come before they are done.  Did I also fail to mention that a mammoth tree fell in our yard and is decaying nicely?  Our yard would not be featured in Better Homes and Gardens and causes the demons of our yard perfect neighbors to twitch and convulse each time they drive by our unsightly spread.    

Before: The step and wall project

Before: the wall to be. Lovely! Better Homes and Gardens watch your back!

Before the work: The retaining wall bricks all neat and orderly.

We have so many projects going on. But what can I say.  I don’t have any control over these freak brain spasms or when they occur.  Surely if I did then I wouldn’t have decided to tear up our indoor life as well.  Creativity as it’s finest!  At least that’s what I tried to tell hubs when he emerged from his bathroom like a disoriented tourist whimpering “Did you really have to tear up both bathrooms at the same time?”   

Yes. I. Did.  in a blink!

Dirt cheap is a stupid saying

Nothing cheap about it!

Why do people say “cheap as dirt” or “dirt cheap?”  Does this saying get it’s origin from having a dirt floor and being dirt poor?  Where did the saying dirt cheap come from?  ‘Cause guess what???  Dirt isn’t cheap!!  Have you gotten dirt lately? A.K.A. Clean fill?  It is unbelievable the price these companies charge for DIRT!  I am still in a state of hyperventilating disbelief.  My husband took care of the dirt ordering process and the only thing I had to do was sign on the dotted line of dirt robbery when the dump truck driver arrived.  Only I didn’t know the outrageous price I was signing for.  I didn’t know what I was in for when dump truck driver unloaded the goods on our lawn and hobbled over to me wearing a toothless grin and an outstretched clipboard with a pen for me to approve the transaction. Nonchalantly I took the clipboard and scanned for the signature spot.  Signature line found but EERRRK…eyes backing up to the price…eyes now bugging out of my head…throat becoming tight. Choke.  $400+ bucks for a small order of DIRT!!!!  Cough, gasp, seize.  Dirt, brown mud making dirt, was costing me more than an order of groceries.  Grabbing my cell I quickly checked the price with my hubby.  Not that I didn’t trust dump truck driver but surely there had to be a mistake, right?  Right?  No.  Nope. Nada. Not a chance.  Dump truck driver was right on the money and I was about to face plant into my expensive new dirt.   Numbly I signed for the brown gold and dump truck driver was on his way smiling and scratching as he went.  I was left immobile, eyes scanning my pile of earth while a single thought circulated in my half conscious brain…dirt cheap is a stupid saying!

How do you spell relief?!?

“OH what a relief!” the older woman shouted dramatically as she nearly plowed me over to grab the last bottle of Aqua Net, the glue for her doo.  “I don’t know what I’d do without this” she cooed while her already distressed hair groaned.  Aqua Net, a relief?  Not in my book where I tend to prefer non-brillo pad hairstyles.  However, several ideas began to quickly slam into my mental solace screaming what I would consider to be a true relief.  Not in any particular order, but rather randomly as they barraged me, they are…….     

Just add more clothing and female parts and there I am!

  •         Sleep:   Ahhh, pillows, sheets, comforter…my bed.  I can put away the hours like a fraternity kid downing beers at a keg party.  I have slept through earth shattering thunder storms, booming fireworks, and sadly even my children’s cries in the middle of the night.  I am a professional when it comes to sound sleep.  I have always been this way and can not blame hormones or any event for my sleep habits.  My camera happy dad even captured [what he thought was] a Kodak moment of me crashed out in bed after a grueling shift at MickeyD’s during my high school days.  Considering that the photo was taken during my high school era explains why I was not concerned with the condition or hygiene of my sheets and collapsed back first into my bed…still clothed in my grease infused uniform complete with the matching visor which was still intact on my spit drooling head.  The aroma of the hamburger and french fry perfume I bathed in each shift was enough to draw out even the most timid mouse as it wafted through my room.  I would deny this greased sheet occurrence had Dad not Kodak captured the moment.  I have decided to own it and own it proudly.  

  • Tea: I am a tea junkie.  A tea freak.  Tea is my crack.  Tea is my friend.  Tea spells the ultimate relief.  I am a picky tea crack head though.  I will not randomly gulp tea for the sake of a fix. As I wrote in this blog before, my tea has to be just right.  I must mix the sugar and the milk to perfection.  Those who know me know to  forgo hospitality and simply provide me with the goods and I will crank out a cup of my own personal awesomeness. Recently while in the Middle East we were able to have tea with the nomadic Bedouins in their tent.  We reclined in the middle of the desert on reclining mats in Mr. Bedouin’s big tribal tent as Mr. Bedouin passed out small amounts of tea in dirty cracked cups to match his less than clean, weathered and worn hands.  I felt myself begin to twitch.  My mind was processing information about less than adequate sanitation, cracks that harbor bacteria and the many saliva coated lips that had slid across that cup before mine faster than my heart was beating.  Beads of sweat broke out on my forehead as I politely raised the tainted cup to my lips with shaking hands.  Holding my breath I quickly ‘one-gulped’ the tea, trying to abide by the 5 second rule, as I nodded and forced a “MMMMmmm” and a smile.  When asked why I drank the tea I responded that I am not a snob and we were in the middle of a Middle Eastern desert with Middle Eastern Arabs, in the middle of the desert with Arabs….Refusing did not seem like a viable option.  Plus, my son was with me and it is a known fact that actions speak louder than words.  I can’t speak about loving people and embracing different cultures while demonstrating the opposite with tea snobbery.  Down the hatch was the only option for the tea housed in a cracked dirty cup prepared by hands with filthy finger jam.   I won’t even discuss the pita bread and how those hands, which were in need of a good dose of GermX, violently and forcefully molested the dough. 

As real as she gets

  • Realness:  Not a word? Well, for me it is.  It’s one of my made up ones that I use frequently.  Like Relationshipinal.  I made that word up and use it when a movie is jammed packed with tons of relationships and all that good stuff.  Realness is being real, who I am in total rawness.  I love the o’natural state of being.  I feel like an animal at the zoo living in my natural habitat and many days I look like one too.  Nothing feels more relieving than a shower to hose off all the make-up.  I can rock out the messy bun giving Peebles a run for her bone (Flintstone style).  I love to don the loose, comfy clothes and ‘let it all hang out.’  Well, that last statement just sounded good because truth be told, there is not much to ‘hang out.’ So while I may be raw and animal like, absent are any free hanging anatomical parts to gross out spectators and cause small children to ask their parents difficult questions.  

I love you

  •  Reading: I love books and books love me.  I added the last point because my mom drilled into our heads “you can’t love something that doesn’t love you back!”  Books are filled with love and I enter my version of literary heaven propped up on the couch in the ‘book zone.’  I can silence the world around me with amazing talent.  Ok, so maybe not silence but the vocals of those who try to engage in unwanted conversation while I am engrossed in my latest obsession, tend to take on the sound of Charlie Brown’s teacher. Waa-waaa-waaa-waa-wa.   Yes, I am a book geek.   I can fly through a book freakishly fast.  In fact, if I were a mutant speed reading would be my power.  Boring?  Stop being a hater.

I’m sure I could go on but for the sake of my numb backside (stupid acrylic nails I had applied for a wedding turned me into Edward Sissorhand typer) and your ocular relief, I’m calling this a wrap.  I have to achieve some realness with my nails, make a cup of tea, read my latest infatuation and get some zzzzzzzzzzzzzz’s.   I’m curious….How do you spell relief?

What does no mean to you?

You spin me right round baby, right round....

I am more than impressed with the persistence of a child.  When they desire something they will pursue it with ultimate determination.  If I had a penny for each and every time I repeated “No means NO!” I’d be sunbathing on my yacht off the coast of my own personal island.  NO is not in their understanding.  Well, they understand it but choose to alter its meaning so that it is more acceptable to their little ears.  Two of my kids take the No word as the ultimate challenge.  They debate, they twist and put a spin on the verbage like a cheap fair ride.  Having tried those same tactics in my youth, I stand firm waiting for their verbal ride to come crashing down.  Thankfully verbal rides are vomit and injury free!  I must admit that there is something about their determined spirit that stirs me.  They make no apologies for their persistence.  They have their sights set on a target and are going for the kill.  As their mother it is my job to parent them and keep them safe as I watch for their best interest.  However, there are times when I may have overlooked something or said NO before taking everything into consideration.  During these few, sparse times their points actually prove to be valid…hmmm, and may be the very thing fueling their future debates!  As adults (minus those obnoxious sales people) we tend to temper ourselves and in doing so often lose our persistence in the face of adversity.   So if you find yourself withdrawing during difficult situations then put your inner child on, buckle up for safety and turn those No’s into GO’s!!!  Just don’t vomit in the process.

Not so blogtastic

I’ve been away for awhile and when I came back my blog was totally different and I didn’t change a thing.  The picture at the top was some dew drop on a plant…a photo that I never took.  The layout was changed and my side bars were altered.  Hmmmmm, what happened?  Maybe wordpress changed it up on my behalf?  I seriously doubt anyone would be interested in blog hi-jacking.

So I spent this time trying to fix things the way they were.  The photo at the top is of our neighbor’s piggy who is probably bacon or sausage by now.  But it is a pretty contrast between the smelly and the not-so-smelly.  He was so ripe that you could barely detect the pleasant scent of the flowers.

Until later when I’m hopefully back to blog normal…..

Jock sand:a common beach side effect

I do have other children this, I know.   But the oldest insists on editing my every photography moment or covers her face or turns her back (hence all the back shots of the child!)  The second is a willing specimen when he is around but again it is like pulling teeth to get some shots.  But the baby, ah the baby….he is still attached via his umbilical cord.  I promise I wear that child 90% of the day.  I trip over him, I bump into him and I don’t even think about doing a quick turn or I will send him flying across the room.  He closely follows me everywhere.  I have to insist on privacy in the bathroom which works about 1/4 of the time.  So when it comes to pictures or stories I have a ton to share of him because he is fused to my very being.

As many of you know, he is a character.  While on the beach in Canada he enjoyed rolling in the waves.  The waves were strong and knocked him on his backside more times than I could count.  Often I just saw a tuff of black hair mixed in with the bubbles and knew he was goning to be delivered on the beach soon.  The event from start to finish looked something like this….

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

Now repeat this over and over a gazillion times and that was his beach experience.  Common sense and personal experience will tell you that sand is bound to enter sensitive areas from all of that rolling around.  I began to wonder to myself how his jock area was holding up but quickly dismissed the idea….until he approached me wearing this expression….

                                                                                                                          
….and loudly proclaiming “I have sand in my weinis!”  Yes, I’m capitalizing on these moments while they last.  Faces and memories like this one almost make up for the lack of privacy.  And the next time he barges in on my bathroom time I will simply smile as I think about adding this photo to the childhood section of his wedding video 🙂

Let all creation praise!

We recently visited Canada and a lake house.  It was grand.  Looking out over creation I suddenly realized yet again what a magnificent creator we have.           
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             
At his spoken word a boundary was set between earth and water…
 
between day and night…          
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                
between human and creatures.             
                                                                                                                                                                                                               
Yet, no boundary was placed upon His love which he daily pours out on us…                                        
                                                                                     
as He patiently waits for us to aknowledge His presence.                                         
                                                                                                                             
Sometimes we have to get out of the boat and it may be uncomfortable…                                
                                                                                                      
but we are never without His light…                
                                                                                                                                                                                                  
and under His wings we will find refuge.                                          
                                                                                                                                                                
Our God is an awesome God, majestic in all his ways!!