The day repurposed words saved my arse!

I am thankful.  Yes, thankful for all of the usual things but right now I am breathing a sigh-of-relief-thankful, that I am a clever parent.  Thankful that I have the foresight (due to scores of embarrassing moments) to remedy a potential situation.

You see, number Tres has a fascination with the skin tone of the elderly.  The lines of facial cannons and valleys mesmerize him as do the moles and other weird growths that begin to sprout with age.  He fixates on these elderly faces with open mouth gaze and while barely breathing, he visually tracks their physical blue print like an architect reading himself for a big project.  When they speak to him, he becomes lost in input mode and often experiences a delayed reaction.  Eventually he snaps out of his mental voyage to elder land (as evidenced by drool suckage, and mouth shutage) and almost always brings a comment or an observation with him.  These observational comments are most awkward.

Zoned out in elder land

Having been present for one too many of his “Wow, is that lady old!” I decided to take Tres by the verbal horns and rodeo his butt.

The set-up was simple.  I informed him that we call really, really old ladies, with cracks and craters, wrinkles and moles galore, “Lovely Ladies.”  In fact, I told him we refer to all older women as Lovely Ladies.  To my surprise, he nodded in agreement without so much as a single question.

We were menu surfing at the gold standard for Breakfast, Bob Evans when it happened.  Behind us, in a booth, I spotted an elderly woman.  She was an ancient one who looked as if she may reach the annals of soon.  

She did not escape Tres’ watchful hawk eye. He got up on his knees, turned around so that he was facing her booth, and looking directly at her he  proclaimed (in heightened decibel) “Look mommy, I see a Lovely Lady!”  An immediate eruption of “Ahhh’s,” and “how sweets” flowed from her family members and she blushed so hard that her pasty face actually turned pink.  A demure smile lightly spread across her face and she waved at Tres with girlish embarrassment.

Tres was satisfied because he got to express himself, the lovely lady and her family were gleefully glowing shades of cherry and suddenly, I was the Mother of the Year!

Yes, I am thankful.


10 responses to “The day repurposed words saved my arse!

  1. That’s adorable! Good job momma.

  2. But now if someone calls me a lovely lady, I may start to cry.

  3. I am NOT a lovely lady…I am am just “pleasant”…mimi

  4. Oh, my! I want to go eat at a restaurant near you…
    This? Was brilliant.

    My smile for the day, for sure.

    • Julie, if Tres saw you at a local restaurant he’d most likely open mouth drool that you were beautiful and lovely without any “code” meaning. 🙂

      This seemed like a reasonable solution (for now) to solve any awkward geriatric comments Tres should spew forth!

  5. Clever. When I was little I had a fascination with fat people. My mom should’ve given me an alternative vocabulary, because I definitely embarrassed her on more than one occasion by announcing, “MOM! That woman doesn’t have a LAP! Where do her babies sit?” (I was also obsessed with sitting on laps, so this situation was truly horrific to me.)

    • True, fat is another “big” one. I’m currently working on an alternative fat vocab because lapless wonder just isn’t working for us!

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