Tag Archives: fans

Stalkers can be civilized – it just so happens.

I just finished watching an episode of the Kardashians.  It was on and my weed pulling fingers were too tired to change the channel.  Wait, that sounds really bad.  At least the excuse of “it was on and I didn’t feel like changing the channel” actually worked back in the stone age….the age of my childhood where we had to get off the couch and manually turn the dial (yes dial) to a channel that was not plagued with static.  But weed pulling cramped fingers?  Weak.  True, but weak.

The Kardashian episode reminded me of when we were in NY and we stalked just happened to land in front of the hotel that Kourtney and Kim were staying in.  My oldest was very poised as she posed for this picture, even with her Where’s Waldo Bright Orange Hat brother making faces at her….just trust me, she was.  You can see the evidence of Bright Orange Hat’s presence in the window reflection:

Look where I just happened to be!

We crossed the street to get a better look and just happened to see their balcony and Scott just happened to be out smoking and talking on the phone…just trust me, he was:

That speck by the bush with a cell phone to his ear is Scott (if you click on the picture you can totally see it)...just trust me, it is.

At one point we lost Mr. Pavlov and Where’s Waldo Bright Orange Hat.  When we finally found them Mr. Pavlov just happened to be doing his own civilized stalking.  If you look closely you can even see the drool marks he left on the window….just trust me, he did.

Now this is worth the trip and spit!!

And where was our middle child while all of the civilized stalking was going down?  Playing it safe.

Honest officer, I don't know those crazy stalkers. I was here the entire time...just trust me, I was!

It just so happens that we didn’t cause a scene even with the Bright Orange Hat.  We took our pictures and quietly left like good little civilized stalkers.

Just trust me, we did.

I perfected my maniacal laugh thanks to Sears

After months and months of ark building rain, we have finally received a hefty dose of hot weather.  Spring was non-existent.  We went from 50’s to 90’s within days and most bodies convulsed at the extreme shift.

Not this body because this previous tar roof, baby oil drenched sun bather loves the heat.  The hotter the better!  You see, heat tolerance is my mutant power.  I may drip gallons of sweat that gross little gnats and other bugs get stuck and drown in but I can handle high temps like I was born in the jungle.  However, every mutant has an achilles heel and mine is that I like my sleep.  Somehow suffocating temps and sweat filled sheets tends to interfere with my rest and sanity.

When the thermometer reached mid 90’s you could hear the sound of A/C units coughing and sputtering from their winter slumber.  Instinctively, Mr. Pavlov and I headed for the thermostat to usher some cool climate into our hot box home.  But the “cool” blew out warm air.  We stopped and looked at each other with horror filled expressions as we said in perfectly blended harmony….

….”Sears never came!!!”  Ah Sears, stupid Sears.  Somehow we got roped into a price match from Sears that included a 10 year warranty replace/repair plan on the central A/C we purchased in 2002.  We should have trusted our screaming inner voices and stuck with the local heating and cooling company.  Two years ago our A/C unit began to leak cooling agent and the incredibly intelligent Sears repair men informed us that they would continue to add cooling agent until [insert big burly laugh] “AHAHHAAA-HERRR-HERR-HERR Your warranty runs out then your can pay to have it replaced.”

Um, AHAHHAAA-HERR-HERR….NO! We pushed the issue and after jumping through every imaginable hoop and hours of phone conversations, we were told the A/C would be taken care of and replaced.

Remember the little /repair listed in the warranty? Well it seems that someone, somewhere found the exact part that our A/C unit required and Sears decided to opt for the repair rather than the replace.  Sounds reasonable enough?

The “Part” took 9 MONTHS to come in!!  I think they dug it out of a land fill somewhere.  Sears decided to make us wait 9 months through the heat of summer because they found ‘The Part” in some remote corner of the globe.  Yes, we went without A/C the entire summer last year and after the second day of not sleeping due to suffocation and sweat drenched sheets, this heat walker got a little cranky.  I began to experience flash backs of my childhood days where cool cloths draped all over my body became necessary in order to sleep.  I got twitchy.  I called Sears daily and laughed a maniacal laugh when they informed me it would be a “few more weeks.”  I cried.  I threatened.  I sweated…buckets.  I regretted making fun of my dad for placing a ceiling fan in every room of their home.  I dug out the old school floor fans and tried to make the most of the injustice.  I slept outside for a few minutes until the mosquitos and their all you can eat buffet forced me indoors.

Old school A/C

Finally in December they came to our home with “the Part” and made the repairs to the A/C.  It was DECEMBER and due to the 10,000 feet of snow that buried the outdoor unit, they were unable to adequately charge it.  They were freezing and had frosted snot droplets on their nostrils.  I smiled but then became serious as questions regarding their job performance formed in my mind.  On a normal day I question the quality of their work and somehow I believe freezing temps and frost bite would render these men A/C repair impotent.  But before I could become too concerned, these highly dependable Sears employees said they were finished and would come back in April or May to fully charge the beast with the cooling agent.  They informed me that we were placed on the April/May schedule and they would automatically return.  I nodded and shut the door.

Enter MAY 29th and Mr. Pavlov and I stood staring at each other as beads of sweat formed in our crevices and our A/C blew tropical warm.  SURPRISE!!!!  Sears never came or we’d be feeling some Polar Bear happy temps.  I made the calls while squeezing my stress ball.  Somehow this highly dependable company with its well-trained employees “forgot” about our situation.

Day three of 90 degree weather and we are becoming oddly comfortable with the suffocation and our wet sheets.

Sears said they will be here tomorrow.  Santa Claus is real and so is the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy….and I love my sleep deprived state!