Tag Archives: shop

Stalkers can be civilized – it just so happens.

I just finished watching an episode of the Kardashians.  It was on and my weed pulling fingers were too tired to change the channel.  Wait, that sounds really bad.  At least the excuse of “it was on and I didn’t feel like changing the channel” actually worked back in the stone age….the age of my childhood where we had to get off the couch and manually turn the dial (yes dial) to a channel that was not plagued with static.  But weed pulling cramped fingers?  Weak.  True, but weak.

The Kardashian episode reminded me of when we were in NY and we stalked just happened to land in front of the hotel that Kourtney and Kim were staying in.  My oldest was very poised as she posed for this picture, even with her Where’s Waldo Bright Orange Hat brother making faces at her….just trust me, she was.  You can see the evidence of Bright Orange Hat’s presence in the window reflection:

Look where I just happened to be!

We crossed the street to get a better look and just happened to see their balcony and Scott just happened to be out smoking and talking on the phone…just trust me, he was:

That speck by the bush with a cell phone to his ear is Scott (if you click on the picture you can totally see it)...just trust me, it is.

At one point we lost Mr. Pavlov and Where’s Waldo Bright Orange Hat.  When we finally found them Mr. Pavlov just happened to be doing his own civilized stalking.  If you look closely you can even see the drool marks he left on the window….just trust me, he did.

Now this is worth the trip and spit!!

And where was our middle child while all of the civilized stalking was going down?  Playing it safe.

Honest officer, I don't know those crazy stalkers. I was here the entire time...just trust me, I was!

It just so happens that we didn’t cause a scene even with the Bright Orange Hat.  We took our pictures and quietly left like good little civilized stalkers.

Just trust me, we did.

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“I’m not perfect but pretty darn close”

I was coming out of the store cult of all store cults [Wal-Mart] a few days ago and got to witness an explosive argument between a man and woman.  This particular day I was in a “I have time to stop and get high on the flowers” frame of mind.  Most of my days are the mission impossible types where you could be spontaneously combusting beside me and I wouldn’t stop.

I slowed my rapid pace to a crawl and tuned into parking lot brawl fest 101.1  From what I could gather from the lung rage, the woman was at fault.  Apparently she made an irresponsible budget error that was going to cost the couple dearly.  She attempted to “sneak” objects into the cart without her partner finding out.  

Hello, woman?  Unless you are planning a ‘Thomas Crown Affair’ you’re supposed to do this when he isn’t around or NOT at all! 

Once busted she became very belligerent and defensive.  At one point she bellowed “I’m not perfect but pretty darn close!!!”  I believe it was this comment that sent the slippers sailing to Kansas.

I thought about suggesting a rapid return of merchandise but then decided against it once I saw the emotional escalation and astral projection of goods.  The words “wrong place, wrong time” rang in my head as I visualized both spaziods transferring their anger upon me….and it didn’t seem like a party I wanted to attend.  So, I did the self-preservation thing and continued with the auditory stalking.

Conveniently I parked close to the kill zone and they were screaming so I didn’t have to listen too intently.  I got to witness pretty much the entire event play out and not only managed to maintain a heart beat, but also gathered an important piece of data. 

Two words and only two words should have been spoken by the woman when her husband caught her in an intentional act of irresponsibility.  These words are difficult to speak and often involve a huge digestion of pride.  However, like an entire bomb squad these two little words have the ability to diffuse a verbal nuclear Holocaust. 

They are…….

I’M SORRY. 

Note:  I also find “yes, I was wrong” moves mountains as well and when combined  with behavior modification produces miraculous effects.  

I guess they could be considered three words without the contraction form.  These little words are powerful and produce dramatic results.  When spoken in sincerity, they make us own our actions.  They cause us to accept responsibility.  And rather than hours of heated warfare, a disagreement is often reduced to minutes if one party is willing to utter “I’m sorry.”  Yes, the other party may continue to rant and may attempt to get on a little rage but they can only fuel the fire solo for a limited time before the sincere  “I’m sorry” kills the action.

What a novel idea huh?  I’m sorry, I’m not perfect but pretty darn close!