Tag Archives: Skin

Tanning beds make my white parts tingle.

My daughter, Uno, has wanted to prostrate herself on the hedonistic bed of lights for a couple of years.  I understand her desire for some vitamin D because I began my heated affair with the sun in 8th grade. Actually, the tan was a bi-product of my devotion to stalking the hunky older neighbor boy during his outdoor activities.

I was a dedicated voyeur who spent hours peering at the bronzed god through my Uncle’s high-powered hunting binoculars and subsequently became very tan!  After experiencing the sun’s kiss, I was a committed follower who didn’t cheat until  reaching the age of 16yrs.  At 16yrs I entered my first tanning bed in the name of Prom preparation.   The then 30 min (gasp) fake bake occurred during an era prior to public awareness of the dangers associated with sun exposure.  Given that education has enlightened me on the evils of tanning, I really don’t want my virgin skinned daughter to fry. 

Being the awesome mom that I am [and showing nauseous pictures of old prunes and oozing skin cancer], I have always managed to divert her longing for skin sabotage.   Plus, the child is 1/2 Filipino.  She merely has to look at the sun and she bronzes.  But let’s face it, winters are too long and that type of parenting [fear based pictures of nauseous prunes threatening oozing skin cancer] only works so well for so long…and I knew it.

The day came when she could not be deterred any longer.  Well, I am PARENT and deterrence is always an option but I figured the bake would be a good learning adventure.  I parent the leave and cleave way. Life must be lived. Lessons must be learned.

Sun trackers

We walked into the tan place prepared.  She didn’t falter even when the girl presented Uno with the sun tracker (stickers applied to track tan progress) choices of a Playboy bunny, heart, star, or Hemp leaf.  I knew the heart and star were nixed and I was hoping she didn’t select the porno bunny.  That left the Hemp leaf.  

Wait, what mother secretly hopes for their daughter to pick a brain cell killing marijuana leaf?  The kind who takes her to a place that kills skin cells.

I waited. 

Uno said, “No thanks.  I don’t like any of them.”  Success!  Now, that’s the beauty of proper parenting and preparation baby!

However, what I wasn’t  prepared for was Uno’s “Hey Mom, will you tan with me ’cause I’m kinda afraid.”  Ugh, I have spent years absorbing UV and have the fine lines and wrinkles to prove it.  Miraculously, I appear much younger than my birth age and I’d like to keep it that way.  

How about you?  Do you guys take the risk and tan or avoid the sun at all costs?

My soon to be 40yr old face

With continued tanning this will be me in a few years

Utlimately the yearning for that UV high of old (and Uno’s begging eyes) outweighed the developing lines and wrinkles. Before I could exhale, I found myself horizontal, butt naked and dermally absorbing some rays.

Uno was happily golden after one exposure and with my white parts tingling, I remembered that I deeply dislike tanning beds.

Pumpkin, Carrot and other varieties of ORANGE!

Ok here’s the quickie verdict.  The winner of the best self tanner goes to…….Coppertone gradual tan lotion!!

The reason?  Well the L’oreal sublime instant bronzer turned my beautiful daughter carrot orange.  Darn, I wish I had pictures but no joke…she was a pumpkin!  My little pumpkin, literally.  Her color was harsh and the natural light outside almost made her appear neon flourescent!  Worse than the chicks on Jerseylicious — yes, that is possible believe it or not!  However, she did not find her new color amusing and spent over an hour in the shower scrubbing herself raw while I laundered our stained clothing.   I did not have a dramatic color change like she did because after one application (she used it for two days in a row) I could see the tale-tale signs that Peter Cotton Tail may be hopping down my bunny trail! 

Yes, the L’oreal self-tanner is instant as it claims and gives color within 24 hours but it is difficult to use, is prone to streaks and orange clumpish spots and stains anything within reach even though it claims to be a no transfer product.  It is also sticky and stinky.  It smells of chemicals like most of the bottled tans.  Products like it are the reason why I convulse and wrinkle my nose at the mere mention of self-tanners.

BUT the Coppertone lotion is white and creamy like regular lotion.  It does not stain, does not transfer, does not streak or clump and takes the win hands down.  The Dove lotion is also fab but it takes a little longer to work.  Which reminds me that these lotions take at least a week to build any resemblance of color.  Although after being turned into a pumpkin I’m sure my lovely girl would welcome gradual!

Sparkling like a vampire

A ton of sparkles – although not so evident in this photo

Just a short review 24hr after using the L’oreal sublime instant bronzer on my pale, milky body.  Well, it does give color!  However, you must watch out for color clumps, massive callus, cuticle and under the fingernail uptake (making these areas freakishly dark) that plague most self tanners.  You really have to WASH your hands well – like scrub the skin off well!!!  Also, the “bronzer” means it has sparkles that will give you a Twilight Vampy appearance when you hit sunlight – above and below.

Sparkles where sparkles shouldn’t be

I haven’t noticed this problem with the lotions.  They are more subtle but also take at least a week to give color.  With the instant Bronzer I awoke transformed into a lovely somewhat tan specimen with sparkling skin.